Friday, September 11, 2009

Silent Lucidity

The lark is on the wing, the rain gods are feeling benevolent and I have absolutely nothing to do. A welcome change from the mayhem that I left behind. I'm sleeping in air-conditioned comfort, eating home-cooked food and spending quality time with my family. The weekend will see me roaming around with friends in my favourite hangout spots, places that figured so hugely in my life till recently. Life seems back to normal. Of course, that's not the case.

I'm not the same person anymore. I am not the carefree kid who left home three months back with stars in his eyes and a song in his heart. I've been through fire and smell of smoke. Flights of fancy have been eschewed for a more realistic appraisal of what is possible. That is not to say that I've given up on my ambitions. Far from it. The fire, if possible, burns even more fiercely. But the arrogance, the illogical belief that I just have to wave a magic wand and everything will fall in place has vanished. I'm an adult now, and grown-up games have different rules.

You have to get your hands dirty. Nothing will come easily anymore. You have to buckle down and slog it out, put in the hours and effort, combine perspicacity with perspiration. The silver platter is gone. It's a trough now, and there is not enough slop to go around. It took me time enough to realize this simple dictum of life, but then again the fruit that ripens late might yet be the sweetest.

I like walking in the rain. It literally washes away my worries and takes me back to more innocent times, times when the world had no ulterior motives and cynicism was a mythic emotion. But one can't live in the past. Nostalgia can only be a respite, not a lifestyle. Sooner or later we have to come back to ground, and it is better if we hit it running. The green wood is getting seasoned in preparation for the long voyage ahead. Until then, I will lose myself in this elixir from the heavens.

(The song is by Queensryche by the way. Its intro was shamelessly copied by Pritam in some song from 'Metro'. Utter disrespect for a wonderful song. I request those misguided enough to peruse this blog to please pass this on.)

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